Archive for category Women/ feminism
DATING: defensive misogynist on OKCupid [so awful I couldn’t make this up]
Posted by Amy Steele in Women/ feminism on August 1, 2013
A few days ago I received a message from a guy on OKCupid. And not just a “Hi.” or “You’re pretty.” He’s four years older than me but seemed extremely concerned about my purported preference for younger men. I will admit that I’m a young 43 both in looks and in my tastes– I favor alternative music and indie films and keep current on pop culture. I’m not stuck in my high school time zone.
Byron aka bradclif88:
energetic revealing profile. I am interested but cautious ; you seemed to carry a preference for younger partner. I used to be younger, but no access to time machines; if the technology catches up in the future……
Or we can meet and greet and take it from there
A little about me
I am a hopeless romantic and I love it ,
despite the pain which it sometimes causes. I am loooking for a good solid woman , to be the balanced partner I desire. Honest ,fun loving , and humourous.
I can cook. Love a great scotch wine herb,-420,; so much more to tell about me and to learn about you .
My emotional quotient EQ, is above average ; good listener and sharer.
At six feet, 203lbs (this morning ), I can certainly lift , if not sweep, you off your feet.
I work in health care, which I love, and i do have a flexible schedule so meeting should not be a problem. I am open to women of all races, sizes , relationship status,etc
Looking for a friend and lover, short or long term ;whatever clicks between us.Will answer all responders, gracefully and gratefully,
Byron Sent from the OkCupid app
my reply:
Why do you think I have a preference for younger guys? I don’t say that anywhere. What do you do in healthcare?
bradclif88:
On the questionnaire section, asking about age difference you reply , I think , I prefer younger men. I may be wrong.
I am an internal medicine spec. PCP.
BSent from the OkCupid app
Jul 26, 2013 – 7:49pm
“How do you feel about age differences in relationship s”
And you answered as above : prefer younger men , but if you changed your mind, or whatever , hooray!
Sent from the OkCupid app
my reply:
Prefer doesn’t mean much esp when a question gets posed
–These OKCupid questions give you limited wiggle room. I probably DO prefer younger guys but that doesn’t mean an older guy might be respectful, communicative, smart and charming and that we might have enough things in common. However, I notice that he smokes and THAT is an absolute dealbreaker. Gross. Smelly breath, clothes, stained hands and teeth. Need I go on?
I send him this message:
You smoke. I can’t date smokers; it’s disgusting. Doubly so that you’re a doctor who smokes.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 28, 2013 – 3:18pm
–now he gets defensive because I said I don’t like smoking. Perfectly in my right. Do you know how many guys won’t date a vegan, a feminist, a woman who voted for Obama, a reader, a writer, a liberal, an animal lover, a recycler, a yoga fan, a liberal arts major, someone with depression, a woman with an advanced degree? Online dating and online communication doesn’t give you carte blanche to attack someone, to name call or to be so inappropriate.
bradclif88:
“Doubly so?”- why so?
My,you are so open minded!
Smoking may be disgusting , smokers are not
Prefer dies not mean much? Then why did you use the term? You were not forced to use the term. And stating in your first text, that you never said that you preferred younger men, when you did say it, and now yiu are trying to then it around, indicated your own instability and mean spiritedness. God, go pursue younger men, they can teach an old dog like you new tricks . Ugh
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 28, 2013 – 6:59pm
my reply:
You’re defensive because I don’t like smoking. That’s mature. I don’t re-visit those questions I answered and you’re harping on one I prob answered a year ago. In my experience younger guys have cooler, open-minded attitudes and are interested in current music and film not stuck in a classic rock/ what I did in high school phase.
I feel sorry for your patients.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 8:52am
Bradclif88 says:
I am defensive dealing with an offensive human idiot. Younger dudes love trannies like you – but , which? Yiu say preferences don’t count!
My patients are fine; I can’t help you ; I’m not a psychiatrist . Thank you for going away
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 11:12am
Me:
It’s interesting that you must resort to calling me an idiot and a “tranny.” Wow. What a conservative, awful person because I answered one question that I “prefer” younger. Look at the ugliness and ignorance you’ve shown through messages.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 1:52pm
bradclif88:
”
You feel sorry for my patients”
You don’t know me , nor my patients, yet you make ignorant statements like that one.
“Dating a smoker is disgusting ”
Smoking may be disgusting to some. Only ignorant people call the person disgusting . ( sure you will deny writing that, just like you initially denied your saying you prefer younger men)
You never admitted, nor apologized for your error. Classy people would have said ” oh I am sorry , I did write that I prefer younger men”. Not you . Yiu just slid back and said the question was at fault, and your answer was not that important anyway: shows your inability to take responsibility for your actions , amongst other flaws you show in this exchange. Open minded ? You? Don’t think so.
Honest ? Like a republican.
Tranny? Oh yeah, that’s the term universally used and recognized to describe desperate old women who fear aging and their own worth. Screw younger men, after one drops you ( slam bam , thank you ma’am) , you move onto another, ready with excuses as to why it didnt work out. Repeat.
Inevitably you return to Okcupid, saying you’re looking for a ” mature” gentlemen, flattered by posts from young men, but thanks , you may be as old as my son( ugh), but not interested. Read all these women’s ads , you will be there soon enough.
FYI, I’ve never been a conservative; only an idiot could conclude that based on brief letter exchange!
So now, see the last sentence of my last email to ya
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 3:09pm
–Not sure why I’d engage with this guy. I guess I can’t believe someone who claims to be a PCP would be this cruel and disgusting.
Me:
You’re so ignorant and conservative-minded you don’t deserve my time. I don’t like smoking. Period. Smokers have bad breath, smelly clothes, stained teeth and fingers.
Calling a woman a tranny is disgusting and misogynist. I don’t have to apologize for preferring younger men. You’ve done zero to prove you’d be cool enough to date me. I don’t date 20somethings. I’m far from desperate or I’d grovel for someone as awful as you to accept and date me. . .
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 5:48pm
bradclif88:
On your knees, bee-atch!
That’s why you keep replying to me, when I told ya to go away!
You r old, sagging, and can only get young ones for a few dates NSA and FWB.
Tranny is not misogynistic, it is accurate. Only the truly desperate Woman objects to a valid term by saying its “M”!
Getcha knee pads ready, it’s gonna be a long haul for you!
LTiP movie quote: ” get the butter “- Brando
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 5:58pm
Your patients should read your disgusting messages. My age range is 33-53. You’re mad bec I dislike smokers and smoking.
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Choice Quote: Tina Fey
Posted by Amy Steele in Film, Interview, TV, Women/ feminism on June 20, 2013
“I know older men in comedy who can barely feed and clean themselves, and they still work. The women, though, they’re all ‘crazy.’ I have a suspicion — and hear me out, because this is a rough one — that the definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.”
[from The New Yorker]
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No Kidding: book review
Posted by Amy Steele in Books, Women/ feminism on May 28, 2013
No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood edited by Henriette Mantel. Publisher: Seal Press (2013). Essays. Trade paperback. 248 pages. ISBN 978-1-58005-443-0.
As with many essay collections, these selections present a mixed bag of experiences, memories and opinions. I was disappointed by No Kidding. Many writers, most of them comedians or working in television/entertainment industry in some capacity, were unknown to me. Choosing not to have children, not to marry, not to follow societal norms pushes someone to the fringes. When women get to that certain age, people expect women to be wanting children or wanting a family life. There are plenty of women [and men] who make enlightened and personal decisions not to have children. This shouldn’t make them outcasts. Most of the essays were standard, predictable fare. These women stressed how successful they’ve been career-wise. Couldn’t be possible they say. Few essayists said that either way, children weren’t for them. That probably takes the most guts to do. Writing about being too busy to do something or not getting around to it because you’re too busy with a career makes the sharing easier. I’ve known I didn’t want children since I was 12! The best piece and one I could most relate to as someone who chose not to have children: “The Plus of Child-Less” by Cheryl Bricker.
“I consciously decided early on (seriously . . . like preteen) that I had other priorities for my future and that adding children to the mix would be impractical and, quite frankly, undesirable. I was never great at fulfilling societal expectations.” –Cheryl Bricker
A few other thoughts on not having children:
“I have pushed a lot of things in my life, but I never pushed having children. Partly because I could never imagine raising a child alone and partly because my choices in men have always been just this side of serial killers. But most of all, I never had the gotta-have-a-baby visceral craving that ruled so many of my friends.” –Henriette Mantel
“Jack never explained why he refused to believe I didn’t want kids. Perhaps, like many people, he assumed that if you had estrogen coursing through your body, you would naturally want to own a Baby Bjorn.” –Bonnie Datt
“I no longer believe that everyone who is married has fallen in love, or even wanted to.” –Laurie Graff
“Like many women who gave up their careers to have children, I basically gave up my children for my career, and by “gave up my children for my career,” I mean “didn’t really entertain the thought of having them.” I was too busy entertaining—telling jokes—sometimes about just this topic, laughing with others instead of crying alone.” –Wendy Liebman
–review by Amy Steele
RATING: ***
FTC Disclosure: I received this book for review from Seal Press.
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In the Body of the World: book review
Posted by Amy Steele in Books, Women/ feminism on May 25, 2013
In the Body of the World by Eve Ensler. Publisher: Metropolitan Books (2013). Memoir. Hardcover. 240 pages. ISBN 978-0-8050-9518-0.
Eve Ensler has long been an advocate for women and women’s bodies. Traveling around the world, she’s empowering women to speak about themselves and value their bodies. Ensler founded V-Day—a global movement to end violence against women and girls. She wrote the award-winning The Vagina Monologues and The Good Body. Ensler writes about cancer in a beautiful, compassionate style that connects her body to the earth and connects her healing process to her plans to help other women to heal. She divides the memoir into scans of her body correlating with her experience creating a learning center/sanctuary for women in the Congo.
As one might expect when someone’s fighting off an aggressive cancer– surgeons removed seventy nodes, fallopian tubes, cervix, ovaries, sections of colon, uterus, rectum and part of her vagina—there are high and low moments. Humor. Love. Giving. Beauty. Anger. Loneliness. Regret. Sometimes this reads like a stream of consciousness diary. She’s extremely candid about uterine cancer and every aspect of her treatment process—from surgery to getting a buzz cut to having a central port line placed to chemotherapy to being surrounded by loved ones to being alone and scared.
“I am a pool of pus on a couch. I have two bags now: One drains the abscess, the other, poop. The infection and the antibiotics and Xanax have made me weak and I have lost my appetite.”
Not only is this a memoir in which a strong women shares her personal journey back from the worst possible experience but it’s a battle cry. It’s an urging to be involved in the community, to do more, to be impassioned, to speak up, to dare, to help others and to be the change within. It will move you beyond anything. I cried when I finished reading it.
“And those of you who can live without will survive. Those of you who can be naked, without a bank account, a known future, or even a place to call home. Those of you who can live without and find your meaning here, here, wherever here is. Knowing the only destination is change. The only port is where we are going. The second wind may take what you think you need or want the most, and what you lost and how you lost it will determine if you survive.”
–review by Amy Steele
FTC Disclosure: I received this book for review from Henry Holt.
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Women’s History Month: Biopics about Women Writers
Posted by Amy Steele in DVD, Film, Women/ feminism on March 8, 2013
Black Butterflies [2011]
Director: Paula van der Oest
Starring: Carice van Houten, Liam Cunningham, Rutger Hauer
–about the volatile life of South African poet Ingrid Jonker
Sylvia [2003]
Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Daniel Craig
Director: Christine Jeffs
–focuses on relationship between poets Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes
Iris [2001]
Starring: Judi Densch, Jim Broadbent, Kate Winslet
Director: Richard Eyre
–lifelong romance between novelist Iris Murdoch and her husband John Bayley from their days as students through her battle with Alzheimer’s disease
Becoming Jane [2007]
Starring: Anne Hathaway
Director: Julian Jarrold
–pre-fame Jane Austen and her romance with a young Irishman
Miss Potter [2006]
Starring: Renee Zellweger, Ewan McGregor, Emily Watson
Director: Chris Noonan
–Beatrix Potter, the author of the beloved and best-selling children’s book, “The Tale of Peter Rabbit”
The Children of the Century [1999]
Starring: Juliette Binoche, Benoit Magimel
Director: Diane Kurys
–love affair between novelist George Sand and author Alfred de Musset
Mrs. Parker and the Viscous Circle [1994]
Starring: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Cambell Scott, Peter Gallagher
Director: Alan Rudolph
–Dorothy Parker and her heyday with the Algonquin Round Table circle of friends
Impromptu [1991]
Starring: Judy Davis, Hugh Grant, Mandy Patinkin
Director: James Lapine
–writer George Sand pursues pianist/composer Frederic Chopin in 1830s France
An Angel at My Table [1990]
Starring: Kerry Fox, Alexia Keogh, Karen Fergusson
Director: Jane Campion
–Janet Frame grows up with lots of brothers and sisters in a poor family in 1920s and 1930s New Zealand. She always feels different from others. After getting education as a teacher, she’s sent to a mental institution for eight years. She gains success when she begins writing novels.
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Women’s History Month: focus on Kate Chopin
Posted by Amy Steele in Books, Women/ feminism on March 7, 2013
Kate O’Flaherty Chopin [1857-1904]
–born to prosperous St. Louis family
–married at twenty-one, lived with her husband in Reconstruction Louisiana on the family plantation in New Orleans for 12 years
–had six children
–her husband died in 1882 and she returned to St. Louis and began writing about her experience in the Bayou.
–she wrote short stories for magazines including Atlantic, Harper’s and Vogue and a novel called At Fault [1890]
–After the publication of her novel The Awakening [1899] with themes of depression, sexual awakening and suicide, she became ostracized and never wrote again.
“There were days when she was very happy without knowing why. She was happy to be alive and breathing, when her whole being seemed to be one with the sunlight, the color, the odors, the luxuriant warmth of some perfect Southern day. She liked then to wander alone into strange and unfamiliar places. She discovered many a sunny, sleepy corner, fashioned to dream in. And she found it good to dream and to be alone and unmolested.
There were days when she was unhappy, she did not know why—when it did not seem worth while to be glad or sorry, to be alive or dead; when life appeared to her like a grotesque pandemonium and humanity like worms struggling blindly toward inevitable annihilation.”
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Celebrate Women’s History Month: biopics about kick-ass, inspirational women
Posted by Amy Steele in DVD, Film, Women/ feminism on March 3, 2013
Erin Brockovich [2000]
starring: Julia Roberts, Aaron
directed by: Steven Soderbergh
–Brockovich fought against the US West Coast energy corporation Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) which knew it had been contaminating a small town’s water supply with with hexavalent chromium leading to cancer
The Whistleblower [2010]
starring: Rachel Weisz
directed by: Larysa Kondracki
–a Nebraska cop, serving as a U.N. peacekeeper in post-war Bosnia, outs the U.N. for covering up a sex scandal.
Dangerous Minds [1995]
starring: Michelle Pfeiffer
–an ex-Marine starts teaching at at an inner-city school and ends up changing her students’ lives forever
Conviction [2010]
starring: Hilary Swank, Sam Rockwell, Minnie Driver
director: Tony Goldwyn
writer: Pamela Gray
–a single mom puts herself through law school in order to represent her brother who’s been wrongfully convicted of murder
Gorillas in the Mist [1988]
starring: Sigourney Weaver, Bryan Brown, Julie Harris
director: Michael Apted
–story of Dian Fossey, a scientist who came to Africa to study the vanishing mountain gorillas, and later fought to protect them
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KATE NASH: North American TOUR
Posted by Amy Steele in Music, Women/ feminism on January 16, 2013
03/12 – Brighton Music Hall – Boston, MA
03/13 – Cabaret Mile End – Montreal, QC
03/15 – Horseshoe Tavern – Toronto, ON
03/16 – Magic Bag – Detroit, MI
03/17 – Pyramid Scheme – Grand Rapids, MI
03/18 – Empty Bottle – Chicago, IL
03/20 – Basement – Columbus, OH
03/21 – Mr. Smalls – Pittsburgh, PA
03/23 – Black Cat – Washington, DC
03/24 – Johnny Brenda’s – Philadelphia, PA
03/26 – Bowery Ballroom – New York, NY
Kate Nash will be touring with an all-female band and partnering with the Because I am a Girl charity.
GIRL TALK album out 3/5
Available via pledge music
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Choice Quotes: GIRLS
Posted by Amy Steele in TV, Women/ feminism on January 3, 2013
“The worst stuff that you say sounds better than the best stuff that some other people say.”
–Hannah
“Jessa has HPV, like a couple of different strains of it. She says that all adventurous women do.”
— Shoshanna
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Choice Quote: Chelsea Handler
Posted by Amy Steele in TV, Women/ feminism on December 13, 2012
“No one has ever said to me ‘go home and make a baby.’ I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.”
–Chelsea Handler, 12/12/12
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About Me
covering mostly music and books. focus on alternative/indie and women in music, literature and the arts. feminist. vegan. mostly alternative, a bit bohemian. Masters in journalism from Boston University. BA from Simmons College.
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