ENTERTAINMENT REALM

Koren Zailckas follows up her best-selling memoir Smashed, which focused on her drunken years in high school and college, with FURY. This time Koren discovers that for many years she’s been avoiding her own anger by letting it just fester instead of releasing it. FURY takes the reader through Koren’s therapy, experimentation with homeopathic remedies and dealing with several major personal crises as well as her problematic relationships with her mother and sister. FURY is fastidiously researched and a compelling read about an emotion few people, even fewer women care to acknowledge or discuss.

Amy Steele: Why did you decide to focus your memoir on anger?

Koren Zailckas: In the beginning I had no intention of writing another memoir. Someone suggested that I write about my female friends. My female relationships have always been intense. It occurred to me that I was more interested in writing about female anger. I wanted to write an objective, journalistic book about American attitudes about anger, about remedies for rage. A few years into the project it became clear to me that I was uncomfortable with the topic. I didn’t know how to express anger and since I’d quit drinking I couldn’t use alcohol as an escape from these emotions. I had this horrible break-up and went home to stay with my parents which was the worst place to be as angry and emotional as I was.

AS: When I picked it up, I expected there to be more of a personal connection. Which there ended up being . . .

KZ: It began with a whole lot of research.

AS: Why do you think anger is okay for men or more acceptable for men than for women?

KZ: Men have their own hang-ups. Men fear being the bully. I do think that anger is a particular challenge for women. A study came out a few months ago from the University of Quebec that women who express anger in the workplace are considered professionally unstable.

AS: I’ve been fired or left jobs for walking away from a situation that made me angry.

KZ: Men who get pissed off in the workplace are seen as more powerful and more commanding. It increases their status at work.

AS: Did you have a specific goal in mind that you hoped to accomplish?

KZ: I wanted to retain my sanity because sometimes it just seemed like my world was falling apart. Eventually after this breakup I began to see that anger was really my issue. I was writing this book more or less in real time. I knew that I needed to learn how to express my feelings towards people. In my family you’d just go away, go off on your own and deal with your emotions by yourself and come back and pretend that nothing happened. I learned I had to embrace my anger sometimes. I didn’t want to use a partner to get rid of all my childhood feelings: to say to him what I wanted to say to my parents.

AS: How did you approach the project?

KZ: I wanted to see what psychologists, theologists and sociologists thought about anger. I wanted to get every perspective I possibly could on anger. It turned out that was a defense mechanism—putting on this scholarly/ academic hat prevents you from getting too close, too emotional. At a certain part in the book, I decided to tell the story of my past and my relationship with my mom.

AS: There are a couple quotes I like. One is: “women’s tears are just as often an assertion of anger.”

KZ: Women are more inclined to cry out when they are angry than men are. That was something I did for a long time. I would cry when I got pissed off and just say, “I’m just upset.” I had some depressive bouts in my life that were just anger.

AS: What did you find most useful in dealing with your anger [of course besides writing about it]?

KZ: [The homeopathic remedies] were very interesting. My good friend is into homeopathy and so she sent me all these remedies. I think that since I had to take the remedy for whatever it was I was feeling that day, I had to wake up and be really in tune to my moods and identify what I was feeling. That was helpful.

AS: How did your feelings about anger change in writing FURY?

KZ: I’m a lot more trustful than before. I always thought that anger and love weren’t compatible and you couldn’t really fight with anyone in your life without them leaving. In my family you’d get iced out and get the silent treatment from people you had arguments with. I learned it’s essential to get angry and anger is a natural, normal human emotion. Sometimes anger can be a positive force for change.

Buy at Amazon:
Fury: A Memoir