Posts Tagged sexuality

The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: book review

The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women by Mikaya Heart. Publisher: Cleis Press (2011). Sexuality/ Self-help. Paperback. 249 pages. ISBN: 978-1-57344-711-9.

There is a vast complexity of possibility in women’s orgasm, varying from whole body orgasm to clitoral or vaginal, from mental orgasm to intensely emotional ones. Consequently, it’s very hard to produce a definition that applies universally, and such a definition could never encompass the enormous variety of what women call orgasm.”

According to the 2010 National Health and Social Life Survey only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm with a partner. A 1995 lesbian sex survey by Janet Lever, PhD, stated that 83 percent of lesbians have orgasms with their partners.

Here’s a book every woman should have on her bookshelf. Or nightstand. Faking an orgasm is not okay. Going home and pulling out that vibrator is fine. I’ve met many women who have never masturbated for whatever reason. You must know your body and masturbation is key to knowing your body. Thanks to my pop star boyfriend in the 90s, I had the outstanding pleasure to discover potent orgasms with oral sex. I finally had an intense orgasm during intercourse on a one-night-stand most likely because I was SO relaxed that I wasn’t thinking all that much about the outcome. Unfortunately it hasn’t happened that often since. I think too much.

In the Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women, author Mikaya Heart gives honest and simple advice for women to change their approach to sex and to improve their sexual experiences. Here are some of her suggestions: the best position for women to be in during sex is on top [easier to position and stimulate her clitoris]; learn to focus the mind for incredible results; and physical position of the body can affect a woman’s ability to orgasm.

Heart discusses that many women get too tense thinking about an orgasm and don’t enjoy the process of sex itself which can be phenomenal even without that end result. Some women often forget about their own pleasure and think that as long as they please their partner, everything is okay. Having open communication with your lover provides the beginning to a better solution. Try flirting and playing games. Trust your partner. Accept the way you look. Take your time [British condom company Durex found that the average time spent for sex in the U.S. is 25.3 minutes, in Britain is 20.9 and in Hong Kong is 12.3]

Some of Mikaya Heart’s other interesting points:

–“Orgasm is about highly focused energy, and being orgasmic is about learning to let our bodies focus energy while we LET GO of trying to control it.”

–Some need a heart connection to allow sexual energy to flow, some don’t

–Many women find that the best sex arises out of an emotional connection, and for some, feeling loved and appreciated by their partner is essential.

— Few women seem to be able to come with their partner holding negative emotions toward that person

–LOVE does not always mean great sex

–Remove yourself from stresses

purchase at Amazon: The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

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book review: The Female Thing

[this is an older book that I read for a challenge related to books on women’s studies]

Title: The Female Thing
Author: Laura Kipnis
ISBN: 978-0375424172
Pages: 192
Publisher: Pantheon; First Edition (October 12, 2006
Category: gender studies
Review source: own copy
Rating: 3/5

In The Female Thing, author Laura Kipnis, a professor of media studies at Northwestern University researches what she calls the “female thing.” To her she considers that the female psyche although much of the book focuses on the vagina through research and discussion on orgasm, rape, and sexual equality for women in pleasure, cleanliness, and confidence. I didn’t find any of her research or theses new but simply reminders that women still do not get the attention we need and desire in the bedroom. Kipnis also is quite funny in her wording and the way she addresses all the issues she brings up in The Female Thing. She breaks it up as: Envy, Sex, Dirt and Vulnerability. I found the sex chapter most interesting.

A few tidbits:

Please read what follows as an account of the female psyche at the twenty-first century mark, which is to say, in the aftermath of second-wave feminism and partway to gender equality, both factors having put many female things into question lately. [p.vii]

Face it, we all inhabit at post feminist world: it was, after all, feminism that brought women equal treatment under the law, voting rights, access to public life, some progress toward pay equity, and so on, and even the most diehard “I like being a woman” set, you don’t find too many arguing with the right to own property or wanting to hand back the vote or anything silly like that. [p. 6]

She wants to have orgasms the womanly way: during penetration, even though the therapists assure her that some 75 percent of women don’t. [p. 40]

Most recent studies still put the number of women who don’t consistently have orgasms as high as 58 percent (The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality) [p. 42]

While not an insurmountable obstacle, some percentage of the male population has yet to fathom these female anatomical complexities, despite the ongoing education efforts. And why were the organs of sexual pleasure and those of sexual intercourse not combined into one efficient package, as with the lucky male? [p. 44]

Many report that they simply can’t have orgasms with a penis inside them because they often dislike, distrust, or don’t want to “open up to” the men on the other end of them . . . [p. 55]

She Comes First is similarly girl-friendly: here men learn how to identify the eighteen parts (!) of the clitoris . . . [p. 56]

Orgasms are, needless to say, the Holy Grail, and male ineptitude the dark forest of ignorance through which the hero must traverse. Men! If only they could find the clitoris, the blundering idiots. [p. 57]

Proto-feminist novelist Doris Lessing also devotes a fair amount of attention to the dual-systems issue in her 1962 novel The Golden Notebook. Ella, a novelist, resents her lover Paul’s attempts to provide her with clitoral orgasms, which she regards as his flight from commitment and emotion. Even though the clitoral orgasms are far more powerful and thrilling, there’s “only one real female orgasm and that is when a man, for the whole of his need and desire, takes a woman and wants all her response.” [p. 60]

The G-spot is basically where the clitoris should have been located—this is, if sexual intercourse actually made sense from the standpoint of efficient female pleasure. [p. 63]

If you’re a chick, you’re sitting on some pretty valuable real estate. Is any other human body cavity so laden with symbolic value, not to mention actual monetary worth, particularly for exclusive access? [p. 123]

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