Posts Tagged self-help
The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women by Mikaya Heart. Publisher: Cleis Press (2011). Sexuality/ Self-help. Paperback. 249 pages. ISBN: 978-1-57344-711-9.
“There is a vast complexity of possibility in women’s orgasm, varying from whole body orgasm to clitoral or vaginal, from mental orgasm to intensely emotional ones. Consequently, it’s very hard to produce a definition that applies universally, and such a definition could never encompass the enormous variety of what women call orgasm.”
According to the 2010 National Health and Social Life Survey only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm with a partner. A 1995 lesbian sex survey by Janet Lever, PhD, stated that 83 percent of lesbians have orgasms with their partners.
Here’s a book every woman should have on her bookshelf. Or nightstand. Faking an orgasm is not okay. Going home and pulling out that vibrator is fine. I’ve met many women who have never masturbated for whatever reason. You must know your body and masturbation is key to knowing your body. Thanks to my pop star boyfriend in the 90s, I had the outstanding pleasure to discover potent orgasms with oral sex. I finally had an intense orgasm during intercourse on a one-night-stand most likely because I was SO relaxed that I wasn’t thinking all that much about the outcome. Unfortunately it hasn’t happened that often since. I think too much.
In the Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women, author Mikaya Heart gives honest and simple advice for women to change their approach to sex and to improve their sexual experiences. Here are some of her suggestions: the best position for women to be in during sex is on top [easier to position and stimulate her clitoris]; learn to focus the mind for incredible results; and physical position of the body can affect a woman’s ability to orgasm.
Heart discusses that many women get too tense thinking about an orgasm and don’t enjoy the process of sex itself which can be phenomenal even without that end result. Some women often forget about their own pleasure and think that as long as they please their partner, everything is okay. Having open communication with your lover provides the beginning to a better solution. Try flirting and playing games. Trust your partner. Accept the way you look. Take your time [British condom company Durex found that the average time spent for sex in the U.S. is 25.3 minutes, in Britain is 20.9 and in Hong Kong is 12.3]
Some of Mikaya Heart’s other interesting points:
–“Orgasm is about highly focused energy, and being orgasmic is about learning to let our bodies focus energy while we LET GO of trying to control it.”
–Some need a heart connection to allow sexual energy to flow, some don’t
–Many women find that the best sex arises out of an emotional connection, and for some, feeling loved and appreciated by their partner is essential.
— Few women seem to be able to come with their partner holding negative emotions toward that person
–LOVE does not always mean great sex
–Remove yourself from stresses
purchase at Amazon: The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime
This is How by Augusten Burroughs. Publisher: St. Martin’s Press (2012). Self-help/memoir. Hardcover. 230 pages. 978-0312563554.
“Being an unhappy person does not mean you must be sad or dark. You can be interested instead of happy. You can be fascinated instead of happy.”
The rare writer who transforms dark thoughts and memories into cleverly worded stories about love, loss and learning, Augusten Burroughs has never been someone I consider to be a humorous writer but a memoir writer with a sense of humor and a dry wit. I’ll smirk here and there. I appreciate its honesty, bizarreness, rawness. He is willing to share intimate moments and thoughts. Of course, that makes or breaks a good memoir. apparently he’s decided that his years as an alcoholic and his experiences with a lover dying of AIDs as well as being fat, rejected, insecure, suicidal, among other things makes him the perfect person to write a how-to book. And I have to agree. Why not? Everyone has one out there– Bethenny of Real Housewives fame, Taxi’s Marilu Henner, [insert pop star name here].
A Wolf at the Table remains my favorite by Augusten. Sure Running with Scissors really went deep and was so implausible that people couldn’t help but laugh at Augusten’s situation. I think a lot of people lump him in with David Sedaris because they’re both gay and a bit off-beat. Gay is the only commonality between the two. Although, for the record, I don’t really think Sedaris is that funny. Augusten would be my friend if we ever met. I’d make him be. This is How has chapters on how to commit suicide, how to be with a dying lover, how to be fat, how to be thin, how to succeed, how to find love, how to be confident and much more from someone who hasn’t researched the best way for you to do these things. No. He’s giving the reader advice based on own painful trials and tribulations.
A few gems I’d like to share:
How to Find Love:
“Personal ads and dating websites work. Anything that hurls your ass into the orbit of other living people can work. But there’s still a mistrust of the Internet.”
“You are exactly everything enough to the person who thinks you are.”
How to Be Confident:
“To allow yourself to be ‘yourself’ when you are with others, you don’t need to have years of therapy-polished love for yourself—merely tolerance.”
How to End Your Life:
“If you hate life, you haven’t seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it’s because your life is too small and doesn’t fit you. However big you think your life is, it’s nothing compared to what’s out there.”
How to Identify Love By Knowing What It’s Not:
[This was one of the most enlightening and comforting chapters for me]
“Love Doesn’t Use a fist.”
“Love never calls you fat or lazy or ugly.”
“Love does not ask or even want you to change. But if you change, Love is as excited about this change as you are, if not more so.”
“Love does not maintain a list of your flaws and weaknesses.”
“Love believes you.”
“An abusive partner is controlling. They are manipulative. They might make a special point of coyly sharing information that they actually know will upset you. They might supply reasonable arguments as to why they and not you should make important decisions.”
“Emotional abuse is the process of breaking the spirit or shattering the confidence of another for one’s own purpose.”
“Abusive people never change.”