Posts Tagged Cleis Press

The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: book review

The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women by Mikaya Heart. Publisher: Cleis Press (2011). Sexuality/ Self-help. Paperback. 249 pages. ISBN: 978-1-57344-711-9.

There is a vast complexity of possibility in women’s orgasm, varying from whole body orgasm to clitoral or vaginal, from mental orgasm to intensely emotional ones. Consequently, it’s very hard to produce a definition that applies universally, and such a definition could never encompass the enormous variety of what women call orgasm.”

According to the 2010 National Health and Social Life Survey only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm with a partner. A 1995 lesbian sex survey by Janet Lever, PhD, stated that 83 percent of lesbians have orgasms with their partners.

Here’s a book every woman should have on her bookshelf. Or nightstand. Faking an orgasm is not okay. Going home and pulling out that vibrator is fine. I’ve met many women who have never masturbated for whatever reason. You must know your body and masturbation is key to knowing your body. Thanks to my pop star boyfriend in the 90s, I had the outstanding pleasure to discover potent orgasms with oral sex. I finally had an intense orgasm during intercourse on a one-night-stand most likely because I was SO relaxed that I wasn’t thinking all that much about the outcome. Unfortunately it hasn’t happened that often since. I think too much.

In the Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women, author Mikaya Heart gives honest and simple advice for women to change their approach to sex and to improve their sexual experiences. Here are some of her suggestions: the best position for women to be in during sex is on top [easier to position and stimulate her clitoris]; learn to focus the mind for incredible results; and physical position of the body can affect a woman’s ability to orgasm.

Heart discusses that many women get too tense thinking about an orgasm and don’t enjoy the process of sex itself which can be phenomenal even without that end result. Some women often forget about their own pleasure and think that as long as they please their partner, everything is okay. Having open communication with your lover provides the beginning to a better solution. Try flirting and playing games. Trust your partner. Accept the way you look. Take your time [British condom company Durex found that the average time spent for sex in the U.S. is 25.3 minutes, in Britain is 20.9 and in Hong Kong is 12.3]

Some of Mikaya Heart’s other interesting points:

–“Orgasm is about highly focused energy, and being orgasmic is about learning to let our bodies focus energy while we LET GO of trying to control it.”

–Some need a heart connection to allow sexual energy to flow, some don’t

–Many women find that the best sex arises out of an emotional connection, and for some, feeling loved and appreciated by their partner is essential.

— Few women seem to be able to come with their partner holding negative emotions toward that person

–LOVE does not always mean great sex

–Remove yourself from stresses

purchase at Amazon: The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

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