Archive for category Dating/Sex
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For more information on this widget, please visit AIDS.gov.
according to the CDC:
– More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 5 (18.1%) are unaware of their infection
–Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (MSM),1 particularly young black/African American MSM, are most seriously affected by HIV.
– By race, blacks/African Americans face the most severe burden of HIV.
–An estimated 15,529 people with an AIDS diagnosis died in 2010.
– In 2011, an estimated 49,273 people were diagnosed with HIV infection in the United States. In that same year, an estimated 32,052 people were diagnosed with AIDS.
You might be at risk of HIV if:
— You are sexually active and do not use condoms.
— You have sex of any kind and do not know yours or your partner’s HIV status.
–You do not know your partner’s drug and sexual history.
–You have had a blood transfusion or operation in a developing country at any time.
— You had a blood transfusion in the United States between 1978 and 1985.
“CDC estimates that 1,148,200 persons aged 13 years and older are living with HIV infection, including 207,600 (18.1%) who are unaware of their infection.1 Over the past decade, the number of people living with HIV has increased, while the annual number of new HIV infections has remained relatively stable. Still, the pace of new infections continues at far too high a level— particularly among certain groups.”
more info on World Aids Day
When the police officers arrived at my door a few days prior I’d been given the option for lock-up or to go to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I’d gotten quite angry with my neighbor and taken a shovel and knocked out the lights at the bottom of my driveway. I’d also spray painted “Hate the PO PO” on my garage door. As a bonus, I ended up losing five pounds while at the psychiatric facility. There wasn’t much she could offer me at this time. I’d been seeing the same therapist for about seven years and I’d always had a psychiatrist whether they’d been all that useful to me or not.
I’d been prone to angry outbursts at times and believed they were just part of my outspoken nature or my attitude toward completing work tasks I’d felt were beneath me or unnecessary to the goals for the particular organization. I’ve been fired, walked out on jobs, yelled and cried and remained in bed for long spurts of time. I truly believed this was all a manifestation of my clinical depression. Nothing more.
My male friend of a decade told me he planned to start dating. We’d dated for two years and remained friends for eight years. And not just call-you-up-for-a -drink kind of friends. My mom used to say we were like an old married couple. From an outsider’s perspective it looked as if we were still dating. We’d go out to expensive dinners, see plays and concerts and spent five consecutive New Year’s Eves in a lovely room at Boston Harbor hotel to watch the fireworks. We weren’t having sex even though I slept in his bed many nights.
This guy verbally abused me, controlled and manipulated me but I was insecure and he’d be mean and cruel and then nice so I wasn’t confident enough to just walk away. He once told me “I’m not letting you go” but then another time told me “reading is a waste of time” or “your liberal arts degree’s worthless.” I’d been dating various guys for the past eight years. Nothing stuck. So when he admitted he was actually exclusive with a woman, I freaked out. I knew, despite his claims, I’d lost him. Even though I spent a lot of time with him, I spent a lot of time independently of him. I’m a music journalist and went to shows alone. I went to films alone. I did my own thing. He didn’t like everything I liked and lived in Boston while he lived way out in the suburbs. Looking back now, I am glad he’s out of my life and regret I allowed any man to belittle me, control me, abuse me and take away my 30s from me. Luckily I’m in therapy and am working on that.
This BFF [I no longer believe in such a concept] told me we’d remain friends yet he started ignoring me. We weren’t friends anymore. Sure, if I had some computer issue or mechanical problem this engineer would come over and fix it. That’s what he considered our friendship now. No more lunches, concerts, hanging out. I’d been his practice wife and now he’d found his permanent replacement. I started incessantly calling him and texting him. I just wanted to talk. I wanted an explanation why he thought it was okay to coldly shut me out and end our decade-long friendship. Being a typical engineer, he wasn’t going to give me any reason. He just planned to cut me off cold.
I flipped out and cried and lived on Klonipin and Diet Pepsi for weeks. I lost 25 pounds. I dumped my pony’s manure in his driveway with a note: “you treat me like shit then you deserve shit.” I left signs on his street about what a jerky friend he was. I created a blog about him. I’m a journalist and someone won’t speak with me, I’ll express myself through words. Nothing that salacious just a few things only I knew about him. I’d made it to get his attention, to get him to talk to me. And he did. He left me a message that if I took down the web site that he would deign to speak with me. So I did. That site was up for a few weeks at most. Of course in the meantime some work friend of his copied it and posted it to Reddit and from there a bunch of losers made it to be 300x worse than the original site which was truly for his eyes only. Now I have a libelous Google footprint that can’t be erased due to its anonymous sources. Edward Snowden like hidden sources.
So to cease communications with me the engineer took out a restraining order against me. I was devastated. He really must hate me. Did he ever care about me as he’d claimed? He’d helped me with so much even while knocking me down. Since writing wasn’t a real career to him [even though I made 50K at my last position as a Donor Relations Officer], he paid for me to get my Certified Nursing Assistant certificate and associates degree in Medical Assisting. He and paid for nursing school.
Strangely, even though I haven’t seen him since our “goodbye” dinner at Upstairs on the Square in December 2009, he’s attempted to renew the restraining order every year even though I don’t care about his new life, his family, don’t know where he lives. I do feel I wasted a decade of my life with him and there’ve been dire consequences. In a low moment, I tweeted his name a few times and a judge granted him a restraining order that I can’t tweet about him.
When I finally found myself at the Brigham and Women’s Psychiatry clinic three years ago [apparently it takes a true crisis/ hospitalization to actually secure an appointment with anyone], I was in rough shape. I’d yell at everyone. I’d cry a lot. I’d done a lot of regrettable things. I punched my hand through a window at one point. That hurt and scared me. I’d get easily enraged and would act out on that anger. I’d yell. I’d confront people. I’d swear and make a scene.
The psychiatry resident diagnosed me with a mood disorder, unspecified. This made sense to me. A mood disorder means you get low lows and some highs. My mood disorder isn’t as severe as a bipolar disorder but it’s something that needs to be managed with medication and therapy. I take Cymbalta for depression, Topamax for a mood stabilizer and Klonipin for anxiety. I take a multi-vitamin and also prescription Vit-B and Vit-D which both help with mood. I also took a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy [DBT] class and a Cognitive Behavior Therapy [CBT] class. Both DBT and CBT help you to think before you react, to reduce your stress levels and to appropriately deal with your feelings.
If I’d known that I had depression and a mood disorder I’d have done things so much differently. I don’t think I’d have ever lost my position as a Development Officer at Children’s Hospital Trust. Sure I didn’t fit in exactly but I’m an excellent writer and researcher and no one questioned my work, they questioned my attitude. And due to the mood disorder I could only improve my attitude so much.
I’m not a victim but I have an illness. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about as it’s a chemical imbalance. It takes an entire support system of professionals and vigilance on my end so that I don’t end up on the street or locked up in a maximum psychiatric ward. I’m now calmer and better equipped to deal with stressful situations. Things still bother me. I keep a mood journal. I see my psychiatrist every few weeks. Unfortunately Brigham and Women’s Hospital no longer accepts my current insurance so that’s a new hurdle. [I’ve been seen there since the mood disorder diagnosis and I’ve been a BWH patient for 20 years.] I have constant med checks and medication changes but I feel much better than I did five years ago.
Should I be shocked by the following joke NPR’s Wait Wait hosts made about Sex and the City going off the air a decade ago?
Carl Kasell: “. . . it was a time we embraced our inner sluts.”
Peter Sagal: “It’s been 10 years since Sex and the City inspired women everywhere to move to New York, sleep around and spend their money on shoes.”
It’s a cheap joke. It’s disgusting. And with women being raked over the coals by our government lately, it’s unbelievable that an NPR program would deign to think this the slightest bit humorous. Need I remind people that Republicans currently are turning back the clock for women and taking away birth control options and abortion rights from women? Watch this awesome speech by my Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren [D, MA]. Republicans across the country have tried to reverse abortion rights in Texas, Mississippi, Ohio, North Carolina and several other states. And in many states they’ve succeeded in reducing a women’s right to choose.
Slut. A despicable word. Degrading. The word is demeaning. Men use that word to dis-empower women. This rhetoric must stop. There’s nothing amusing about it. When did someone decide that casual sex was a negative? I’m 44 and I’ve been hearing this for decades. I’ve had more than a handful of sex partners and that’s my business. I’ve lost count of the number of a man I’ve slept with and that’s my business. I’ve had threesomes along the way and that’s my business. No one needs to know how many men I’ve slept with. I know who I am and what kind of sexual experiences I want and it’s my body and it’s my decision to have sex however I want with whomever I want how often I want. I have an IUD. I use a condom. I’ve never wanted to get married nor have children. That’s also my business.
Some might call me a slut. I’ve been called a hooker for wearing red patent leather shoes. We know there’s that double standard and it’ll always be there and however loud feminists yell and yell and yell we’ll never be heard. We are not sluts. A man can have sex with 100 women and he’s cool. A woman has sex with 100 men and she’s a slut. Virgin/whore. Few people want to be with someone who has zero sexual experience. Don’t believe that fantasy.
I haven’t had sex in a year. What are you going to call me now?
A few days ago I received a message from a guy on OKCupid. And not just a “Hi.” or “You’re pretty.” He’s four years older than me but seemed extremely concerned about my purported preference for younger men. I will admit that I’m a young 43 both in looks and in my tastes– I favor alternative music and indie films and keep current on pop culture. I’m not stuck in my high school time zone.
Byron aka bradclif88:
energetic revealing profile. I am interested but cautious ; you seemed to carry a preference for younger partner. I used to be younger, but no access to time machines; if the technology catches up in the future……
Or we can meet and greet and take it from there
A little about me
I am a hopeless romantic and I love it ,
despite the pain which it sometimes causes. I am loooking for a good solid woman , to be the balanced partner I desire. Honest ,fun loving , and humourous.
I can cook. Love a great scotch wine herb,-420,; so much more to tell about me and to learn about you .
My emotional quotient EQ, is above average ; good listener and sharer.
At six feet, 203lbs (this morning ), I can certainly lift , if not sweep, you off your feet.
I work in health care, which I love, and i do have a flexible schedule so meeting should not be a problem. I am open to women of all races, sizes , relationship status,etc
Looking for a friend and lover, short or long term ;whatever clicks between us.Will answer all responders, gracefully and gratefully,
Byron Sent from the OkCupid app
Why do you think I have a preference for younger guys? I don’t say that anywhere. What do you do in healthcare?
On the questionnaire section, asking about age difference you reply , I think , I prefer younger men. I may be wrong.
I am an internal medicine spec. PCP.
BSent from the OkCupid app
Jul 26, 2013 – 7:49pm
“How do you feel about age differences in relationship s”
And you answered as above : prefer younger men , but if you changed your mind, or whatever , hooray!
Sent from the OkCupid app
Prefer doesn’t mean much esp when a question gets posed
–These OKCupid questions give you limited wiggle room. I probably DO prefer younger guys but that doesn’t mean an older guy might be respectful, communicative, smart and charming and that we might have enough things in common. However, I notice that he smokes and THAT is an absolute dealbreaker. Gross. Smelly breath, clothes, stained hands and teeth. Need I go on?
I send him this message:
You smoke. I can’t date smokers; it’s disgusting. Doubly so that you’re a doctor who smokes.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 28, 2013 – 3:18pm
–now he gets defensive because I said I don’t like smoking. Perfectly in my right. Do you know how many guys won’t date a vegan, a feminist, a woman who voted for Obama, a reader, a writer, a liberal, an animal lover, a recycler, a yoga fan, a liberal arts major, someone with depression, a woman with an advanced degree? Online dating and online communication doesn’t give you carte blanche to attack someone, to name call or to be so inappropriate.
“Doubly so?”- why so?
My,you are so open minded!
Smoking may be disgusting , smokers are not
Prefer dies not mean much? Then why did you use the term? You were not forced to use the term. And stating in your first text, that you never said that you preferred younger men, when you did say it, and now yiu are trying to then it around, indicated your own instability and mean spiritedness. God, go pursue younger men, they can teach an old dog like you new tricks . Ugh
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 28, 2013 – 6:59pm
You’re defensive because I don’t like smoking. That’s mature. I don’t re-visit those questions I answered and you’re harping on one I prob answered a year ago. In my experience younger guys have cooler, open-minded attitudes and are interested in current music and film not stuck in a classic rock/ what I did in high school phase.
I feel sorry for your patients.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 8:52am
I am defensive dealing with an offensive human idiot. Younger dudes love trannies like you – but , which? Yiu say preferences don’t count!
My patients are fine; I can’t help you ; I’m not a psychiatrist . Thank you for going away
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 11:12am
It’s interesting that you must resort to calling me an idiot and a “tranny.” Wow. What a conservative, awful person because I answered one question that I “prefer” younger. Look at the ugliness and ignorance you’ve shown through messages.
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 1:52pm
You feel sorry for my patients”
You don’t know me , nor my patients, yet you make ignorant statements like that one.
“Dating a smoker is disgusting “
Smoking may be disgusting to some. Only ignorant people call the person disgusting . ( sure you will deny writing that, just like you initially denied your saying you prefer younger men)
You never admitted, nor apologized for your error. Classy people would have said ” oh I am sorry , I did write that I prefer younger men”. Not you . Yiu just slid back and said the question was at fault, and your answer was not that important anyway: shows your inability to take responsibility for your actions , amongst other flaws you show in this exchange. Open minded ? You? Don’t think so.
Honest ? Like a republican.
Tranny? Oh yeah, that’s the term universally used and recognized to describe desperate old women who fear aging and their own worth. Screw younger men, after one drops you ( slam bam , thank you ma’am) , you move onto another, ready with excuses as to why it didnt work out. Repeat.
Inevitably you return to Okcupid, saying you’re looking for a ” mature” gentlemen, flattered by posts from young men, but thanks , you may be as old as my son( ugh), but not interested. Read all these women’s ads , you will be there soon enough.
FYI, I’ve never been a conservative; only an idiot could conclude that based on brief letter exchange!
So now, see the last sentence of my last email to ya
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 3:09pm
–Not sure why I’d engage with this guy. I guess I can’t believe someone who claims to be a PCP would be this cruel and disgusting.
You’re so ignorant and conservative-minded you don’t deserve my time. I don’t like smoking. Period. Smokers have bad breath, smelly clothes, stained teeth and fingers.
Calling a woman a tranny is disgusting and misogynist. I don’t have to apologize for preferring younger men. You’ve done zero to prove you’d be cool enough to date me. I don’t date 20somethings. I’m far from desperate or I’d grovel for someone as awful as you to accept and date me. . .
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 5:48pm
On your knees, bee-atch!
That’s why you keep replying to me, when I told ya to go away!
You r old, sagging, and can only get young ones for a few dates NSA and FWB.
Tranny is not misogynistic, it is accurate. Only the truly desperate Woman objects to a valid term by saying its “M”!
Getcha knee pads ready, it’s gonna be a long haul for you!
LTiP movie quote: ” get the butter “- Brando
Sent from the OkCupid app
Jul 29, 2013 – 5:58pm
Your patients should read your disgusting messages. My age range is 33-53. You’re mad bec I dislike smokers and smoking.
Going Down: Oral Sex Stories edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Publisher: Cleis Press (2012). Fiction/erotica. Paperback. 206 pages. 978-1573447898.
I’m not the blushing type when reading sex scenes like those described in this collection. The focus being on something I enjoy immensely, I appreciated these stories. If you too like oral sex, you’ll Going Down: Oral Sex Stories. If you find oral sex strange or gross or something, read these and your mind will surely open to greater possibilities. A woman keeps track of all the ways she can give her guy oral in “The Thousand and One Ways.” When she hooks up with her neighbor’s husband, a woman discovers that this woman she’s envied isn’t the woman she thought she was at all in “Pretty Dull.”
“Lavender” by Cynthia Hamilton details a meeting of strangers at a hotel room told from the man’s point of view—“Then you tease the snug opening with the point of your tongue again, this time drawing her slick cream upward, parting the soft, pliant lips, then flattering your tongue to deliver a slow lick over that sweet little bundle of nerve endings.” In the fun “Dover to Victoria Station,” author Roxy Rogers describes a coupling in the loo—“That is what I want: his undivided attention, his craving. It’s what all women want from their men, whether they’ll admit it or not.” Another I particularly enjoyed [and made me think of 50 Shades of Grey, which I haven’t read and do not plan to read] describes a woman’s secret adventure in the senses and in passion. Blindfolded, she’s pleased by numerous people she can’t see but can touch, feel, smell, taste and hear. “I try to steady myself, gasping from the first sensations, so close to orgasm, still feeling their tongues, fingers, the warmth of their bodies against mine.” Every woman will find several stories in Going Down that will intrigue her and maybe even make her tingle.
purchase at Amazon: Going Down: Oral Sex Stories
The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot by Violet Blue. Publisher: Cleis Press (2012). Sexuality/ self-help. Paperback. 142 pages. 978-1573447805.
“The clitoris may be our smug little mistress of gratification, pure in orgasmic purpose within her princess seat atop the female pleasure system. But girls who’ve taken their erotic explorations further on into G-spot territory know that the clitoris is but a sweet sentry to the intense pleasure that lies within.”
Don’t know where your G-spot is? Think it’s elusive? It’s not and author Violet Blue wants to help you with this easy to read, informative little book. It’s pillowy and contains different tissues than the clitoris thus varied pleasures. [A friend of mine didn’t even know where her clitoris was until she was 30-something and had already had a child.] Sad. In 2012 to access true pleasure and to know what feels good when with a partner, you have to know your body. The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot contains an illustrated guide to woman’s anatomy and includes erotic stories by Alison Tyler to turn you on for exploration. Blue explains location of the G-spot, finding it, playing with it, the concept of squirting and g-spot orgasms as well as solo and partner play.
–the G-spot is “a bundle of nerves, tiny glands and erectile tissue”
–the G-spot is named for German gynecologist and researcher Dr. Ernest Grafenberg who focused on contraceptive research in the 1920s and 1930s [he was imprisoned during WWII]
–the G-spot’s located in an area often more easily accessible by a lover [angle and pressure]
–review by Amy Steele
purchase at Amazon: The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot
–Be polite. Open the car door. Walk next to your date. Let her go first. It has nothing to do with feminism, it’s dating and you should be a gentleman.
–Choose a place that’s halfway between you and your date or convenient for both.
–Don’t drink too much. You’re there to get to know your date.
–Splitting the check is tacky.
–Don’t tell her how many children you have at the end of the date. Share the information before or early on in the date.
–Remember personal grooming. Clip those nose hairs and long, stray eyebrow hairs. Shave.
–Refrain from talking about other women you’ve dated and don’t ask your date about her exes. It’s not important in the present moment. It may never be important.
–Want something casual? Want a long-term relationship? Don’t announce this before you’ve spent time with someone. Why put a label on something that hasn’t started?
–Don’t take phone calls. Don’t text. Don’t tweet. RUDE.
–If you do end up kissing at the end of the night, don’t grope her.
–Make eye contact.
–Show some interest in your date. ask some questions.
–If you’re not divorced or have been separated less than six months, don’t date. it’s not fair to the woman. you’re not completely available, yet if ever.
–If she’s a vegan or vegetarian, don’t eat something in front of her that would be offensive.
–You want to see her again? Tell her that before she walks away.
CDC recommends that everyone ages 13-64 be tested once for HIV.
Find a place to get tested in your community or text your zip code to KNOW IT, that’s 5-6-6-9-4-8.
What is HIV?
HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus. The virus can lead to acquired immune deficiency syndrome, or AIDS.
How does HIV get transmitted?
–not using a condom when having sex with a person who has HIV
–having multiple sex partners or other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can increase the risk of infection during sex
–unprotected oral sex can also be a risk for HIV transmission, but it is a much lower risk than anal or vaginal sex
–sharing needles, syringes, rinse water, or other equipment used with injected drugs [such as heroin]
–being born to an infected mother—HIV can be passed from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, or breast-feeding.
get more info at NAPWA [National Assoc. of People with AIDS]
He will not read any of the reviews you write
He does not regularly read your blog or website
He will not read the relatively short children’s book you spent a many hours researching and writing (but he will give you plenty of advice on marketing and telling you it will not sell)
He says things to you like: “I like you but I think you’re going to collapse and die. You’re going to be eating out of dumpsters in two years.”
He tells you: “your actions can always disappoint me.”
He can list all the jobs you were fired from better than you can.
He always walks five paces ahead of you and refuses to slow down. Instead he insists you catch up to him.
When you say, “I love you,” he remains silent or says, “I know.”
He doesn’t list you as an emergency contact.
You are not programmed into his cell phone (or email) address book.
He does not remember your birthday although he’s known you for more than five years.
He cannot remember how long he’s known you.
When you start to talk he walks away if you don’t get right to the point in three minutes or less.
He compartmentalizes his life: family/work/you. Nothing blends/mixes/no one crosses paths.
He gets popcorn at the movies and doesn’t offer you any and only gets a drink for himself.
You color your hair from red to dark brown and he doesn’t notice. You get your hair cut and he doesn’t comment/ notice.
He calls you a drug addict and you take prescription pills for anxiety.
He goes away for a week and doesn’t call or email you the entire time he’s gone.
When he picks you up, he sometimes doesn’t even say hello right away.
He’s not affectionate with you. No hugging and definitely very few kisses.